


Enigma Variations:Nimrod

by pcyikes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongdae | Chen, Orchestra, Past unrequited love, if you really squint you can see:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 11:52:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11440302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcyikes/pseuds/pcyikes
Summary: "His place has been occupied but never filled"





	Enigma Variations:Nimrod

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Anjum for helping.  
> Based on a true story.

The first time Baekhyun meets Yixing he’s twelve, voice still cracking from puberty and acne dotting his cheeks. Baekhyun stumbles into the music hall, intent on practicing a few scales on his viola in his favorite practice room (number four) before the security guard makes her rounds, and walks in on Yixing playing simple warm up patterns on his cello. In Baekhyun’s defense, he had thought the hall was empty since no one usually practiced there after school hours when a football game was taking place down on the field right outside. Baekhyun had thought he was the only one who took advantage of the fact that the high school across from his house was unlocked during sporting events and that most of the security guards were down on the field, not paying attention to if a certain middle school boy has snuck into the music hall.  
He fumbles out apologies, face red from embarrassment and hands clutching his viola case desperately to his chest. All Yixing does is laugh softly and, with a very heavy Chinese accent, tells Baekhyun he was almost done anyways. The sound of the other teenager’s voice makes Baekhyun forget his embarrassment as he’s immediately overtaken with curiosity, he’d never seen the other boy around before.  
“Just moved from China.” Yixing answers, words stumbling over each other, “I start school on Monday. I’m still learning English.”  
Baekhyun, no longer red in the face, jumps in excitement at that, he always has been very sociable. “I’ll help you learn!” The shorter boy says quickly, “It’s not as hard when you have a friend!”  
After that, they become best friends. Always carpooling to their Orchestra concerts and sharing practice room number 4, learning how to play their instruments in the same class while continuing to push the other to practice more. They grow up knowing only each other and music, it’s their way of living.  
Freshman year of high school, Baekhyun makes top orchestra. Yixing does not.  
Both boys are crushed, Baekhyun just as much as Yixing. Baekhyun holds Yixing as he weeps and assures him that he is so so talented and that Baekhyun is so so proud of him. The top ensemble misses out on an amazing cellist that year.  
Sophomore year Yixing is moved to the top Orchestra. This time, the boys are ecstatic and Baekhyun takes Yixing out for ice cream to celebrate as soon as the Orchestra placements are posted. As usual, they argue over the other’s choice of ice cream flavor, Yixing always gets a classic flavor while Baekhyun picks some weirdly colored one.  
“How can you like birthday cake ice cream?”  
“Shut up it’s my favorite.”  
“It’s gross Baekhyun.”  
They giggle through cold teeth and hum Tchaikovsky's fifth together (a piece they were about to start playing) in the neon blue establishment.  
When junior year comes, Baekhyun’s dad announces that he has been offered a job four hours away and that the family would be moving at the beginning of the school year. With tears staining their cheeks, the two best friends say their goodbyes and promise to keep in touch.  
“Do you have to go Baekie?” Yixing asks in a broken whisper as he hugs his best friend in a desperate attempt to make him stay. His tears soak Baekhyun’s sleeve of his yellow t-shirt but he doesn’t care, he only hugs Yixing tighter.  
“We’ll still talk Xing, don’t worry” Baekhyun assures the cellist, “Just don’t forget me.”  
“Never.”  
After all, they would always be best friends.  
So Baekhyun moves, makes new friends, and becomes the principal viola player at his new school. Yet he always makes time for Yixing; skype calls while doing homework, short texts in between classes, emailed audio files of them practicing.  
When the time for college comes around, both boys apply for the same music school, Baekhyun for music education and Yixing for music performance.  
Both get in and, after lots and lots of stress, become roommates. The reunion is tear jerking, Baekhyun refusing to let go of Yixing for hours, clutching his hand tightly as they say their goodbyes to their families. Once they’re alone in their new room, Baekhyun starts to cry again and quickly envelops Yixing into another hug, “I’ll never leave you again, I promise.”  
Yixing chuckles and hugs the violaist back just as tight, “You better not, I missed you and your obnoxious laugh.”  
Baekhyun gasps in mock offense, pulling away from the hug to slap the other’s shoulder. In return, Yixing just laughs harder, “Kidding, kidding! I love your laugh, I swear!”  
They spend the night eating junk food and talking about life; what they had been doing, how excited they are for college, what classes they’re taking, etc. It’s as if nothing had changed.

College life is hard. Full of hours of practicing and doing homework. Full of sheet music and study dates with pretty girls (and boys) in the coffee shop down the street. Full of all nighters and video game marathons.  
Baekhyun has bags under his eyes, ones that never seem to fade, yet when he sees Yixing he always smiles. Sweet sweet Yixing who always cheers Baekhyun up; who had comforted him as he cried when his mother died, who had held his hand as he nervously waited for orchestra placement results, who had supported him fully when he came out - even when his own father had turned his back. Yixing is always there for him. Always.  
Everything changes when the pair is in their last year of college. Yixing has always been a bit weak physically but never enough to become super serious, so when he collapses next to Baekhyun on the walk from the music hall to the apartment they share, it takes him by surprise. At first they think it’s nothing, probably a small cold or Yixing overworking himself. But then Yixing wakes up crying that night, clutching his head in pain. Baekhyun startles awake and runs to his friend’s side before quickly calling an ambulance and then Yixing’s parents. After hours of sitting on an uncomfortable, plastic blue chair outside of the hospital room Yixing is in, Yixing’s mother comes out and tells Baekhyun the news. His already tear-stained cheeks become even more decorated with the tracks of his sorrows, his eyes more puffy and red, body shaking with despair. Yixing’s mom holds him, her tear tracked face matching his own.  
When he asks to see his best friend, he’s denied. “He’s too tired, doctors say he has to rest.” She tells him softly, “He doesn’t even know yet.”  
Baekhyun argues and argues, he wants- no he needs to be there when Yixing’s life would be torn apart. Yet the doctor had strictly said family only and Yixing’s mom only offers him a sad smile.  
“Fine.” Baekhyun gasps out, “at least give him this.” and shrugs off his favorite navy blue jacket before handing it to Yixing’s mom. “For comfort.” Then he leaves.  
He wanders the streets aimlessly with a blank mind and a blank stare, shivering in the cold and wearing no jacket. It doesn’t make sense it doesn’t make sense it doesn’t make sense. He cries and cries out in the cold night for his friend, his best friend. Why? Why him? Why beautiful, sweet Yixing who would never hurt a fly? Who would always put others before himself. Who radiates happiness and love. Baekhyun keeps crying and keeps asking and keeps repeating the same thought of “why” to no one, knowing it won’t change anything. For Yixing is dying. And there’s no way for him to stop it.

When Baekhyun’s mother died halfway through his freshman year of college, he had felt as if a piece of him had died with her. It had been rather abrupt, a car crash caused by a drunk driver. He didn’t really cry at first, seeing as he was in too much shock, but weeks later when the funeral was over and his mother was buried deep in the ground, he had let it all out. Yixing had held him as he sobbed, whispering comforting words and humming softly in his ear. That year had been hard for Baekhyun, and he honestly had no idea how he would’ve gotten through it without Yixing. Yixing had been his rock, the only thing that was stable when his world was falling apart. 

When Yixing is released from the hospital, he walks out with a smile while wearing Baekhyun’s jacket. Only Zhang Yixing could be smiling just a week after finding out he won’t live past a year. Baekhyun holds his best friend’s hand tightly, refusing to let go even when they have to get into the car.  
After Yixing’s parents leave the duo’s apartment, Baekhyun pulls Yixing down beside him onto the couch, wrapping his arms around the other. They stay in this position all night, never talking, just embracing each other. And Yixing pretends he doesn’t hear the sound of crying coming from beside him.  
The pair spends almost every second of every day together, doing simple things that make them happy. They go to concerts and musicals, ice cream shops and coffee houses, mini golf courses and picnics; only to spend more time together. A couple months later, Baekhyun gets a boyfriend. He’s just as loud as Baekhyun, maybe louder, and has a kitten-like smile. Yixing simply adores him and Baekhyun is happy for that. There was a time when Baekhyun would have liked Yixing to be that boy friend he introduced to everyone but that was long ago and he had quickly grown out of it. Now, there is no way Baekhyun could imagine being anything but best friends. Sometimes, Baekhyun’s boyfriend joins the two best friends in their adventures but most of the time they go out on their own. Yixing never says it out loud, but he’s happy Baekhyun will have someone to help him through his best friend’s death.  
For a bit, they can pretend as if nothing is wrong. It works, until it doesn’t.  
Yixing grows skinner, the bags under his eyes never fading, and on some days he can’t even leave the apartment because of the severity of his headaches. Due to the steady decreasing of his physical state, Yixing has to drop out of Orchestra and school, something that breaks his heart. Music is all he has, it has always been a part of him. When he can’t even hold up his cello anymore is when he finally breaks down crying in front of Baekhyun. Until then, Baekhyun hasn’t seen the other cry over the news.  
Just nine months after the first trip to the hospital, Yixing is forced to go back. He had collapsed in the kitchen while Baekhyun wasn’t home, the other having found him hours later since he was unable to get up.  
Baekhyun can’t bare to look at Yixing at first. For hours, he refuses to rest his eyes on Yixing’s sunken in face; tubes connecting to his nose, weaving all over his body and tying him down as if they are vines. It isn’t until he hears his best friend’s voice that he finally looks up at him.  
“Baek.”  
It’s a croak, barely audible through Yixing’s closed up throat. With tears in his eyes, Baekhyun rushes to his best friend’s side and grabs his hand.  
“Baek please don’t cry.”  
He shakes his head as tears escape past his eyelashes, he had wanted to be strong for his friend yet he can’t control it. The tears won’t stop, for he knows what’s coming. The doctors had already told him.  
“We knew this would happen eventually.” Yixing whispers, gripping Baekhyun’s hand weakly, “We couldn’t pretend forever.”  
His voice, while weak, is as gentle as always. It reminds Baekhyun of their first encounter, back in middle school when Yixing’s accent was more prominent and Baekhyun’s heart was still full. Things had been so much more simple back then, all they had was each other and music.  
“I can’t lose you Xing.” Baekhyun whispers back desperately. Yixing lets out a weak chuckle, coughing soon overtaking it.  
“Promise me you’ll get through this. Promise me you won’t be sad forever.” He pleads once his body stops convulsing with the coughs.  
Baekhyun cries harder, yet nods. “I promise.”  
At that, Yixing seems to relax as if he has just been waiting to hear Baekhyun promise him he’d eventually be okay. His grip on Baekhyun’s hand loosens more as a content smile graces his lips, the next thing he says is in Chinese “That’s all I needed to hear.”

The day of the funeral comes too quick. Baekhyun wears his best suit, ironing out the wrinkles and brushing back his hair yet he doesn’t gel his bangs back-Yixing had always hated when he did that. Baekhyun finds himself standing on the stage, looking out at the faces of Yixing’s family and classmates as he clutches his viola.  
“Um hello.” He starts, voice shaking. “Yixing asked me months ago to speak at his funeral, something that had been very hard for me to process.” Baekhyun swallows back tears as he looks down at the sheet of music in his hand. “Instead of speaking about how much of a beautiful person Yixing was, I’m going to speak through music. I’ve asked a few of our friends to help me with this piece. We will be playing Enigma Variations: Nimrod by Edward Elgar, this is for you Yixing.”  
Nimrod is one of the fourteen pieces of the Enigma Variations, a slow and meaningful piece that always brings tears to Baekhyun’s eyes. Elgar wrote Nimrod in dedication to his most cherished friend who had helped him through his major depression. His friend had encouraged him to keep composing music, even when he had believed all his works were failures. This piece, because of its implicit meaning of strong friendship, is most often played at memorial services.  
Gulping, Baekhyun steps back from the microphone and walks over to the group of people waiting for him, instruments up and waiting. He sits in his seat at the front, adjusting his music stand and putting his instrument up, before counting the group off quietly.  
The violins, three students from the college ensemble, come in almost silently; holding out a note that steadily grows louder in volume. Once they reach the appropriate volume (still fairly soft) the rest of the string section comes in, including Baekhyun. He has to shut his eyes as a tear rolls down one cheek, depending on his memory to continue playing the piece. The song is about true, meaningful friendship that will never die; even after years apart, after fights and disagreements, after death. It’s about friendship between two people that never grows to be more, yet it is the most important and cherished relationship of their lives.  
Baekhyun plays for Yixing. He plays for his smile and the dimple that would always appear on his face. He plays for his laugh and his kindness to others. He plays for the way Yixing would pout after Baekhyun beat him in video games and he plays for the way Yixing would make fun of him when he tripped. He plays for the late night skype calls and the study sessions in the campus coffee shop. He plays for Yixing who had cared so immensely about everyone. He plays for the memories in practice room number four.  
As the winds join in and the volume steadily increases, Baekhyun full out weeps for his friend. What is Baekhyun without Yixing? What will he do? Who will he turn to? What is life without his best friend? Yixing had always been there. Always.  
The impact hits, the walls seem to be closing in on Baekhyun and his breathing gets heavier. Gritting his teeth, he applies more pressure of his bow onto the strings of the viola while moving his left hand back and forth on the neck to create more vibrato. He wills himself to calm down, to steady his breathing and lessen his tears but it’s hard, oh it’s hard.  
The music eventually fades off as the song comes to an end, and with it so does Baekhyun’s weeping. Yes, Yixing is gone but is he really? Yixing will live on through Baekhyun, through music. This song, a piece about true friendship, will always be special for Baekhyun. Through this piece, he will relive his time with Yixing and remember his friend forever. And while he has to say goodbye now, Yixing will never be forgotten; at least not to Baekhyun.  
Never to Baekhyun.  
Once the final note ends and the gentle applause from the audience sounds, Baekhyun takes a deep breath and opens his eyes.  
Goodbye Yixing.

**Author's Note:**

> Enigma Variations:Nimrod by Edward Elgar  
> (go listen to it on youtube, preferably the video with space showing)  
> my twitter is @curlsyixing


End file.
